Watch This Space: October 2008

Perhaps It Was Sheer Luck

So...hooray! Finally the burden was lifted off my shoulder. I'm just so glad that the interview was finally over and that I don't have to be concerned about it anymore from now on. What a great relief. So yeah, maybe I should just cut to the chase and tell you all about it before it leaves my mind. As mentioned in the previous post, I had to join the 6.30 am trip from KYUEM to HELP College where the interview is conducted, even though my interview took place at 1.50 pm. Apparently, I was not allowed to join the 11.00 am trip because it was full of quarantined Chemistry students. It's silly, I know. Tell Mr Beadsworth about it. So off we went.

I received a call on our way to Damansara. Guess from whom it was?

"Hazim!"

I know right. What a pleasant surprise. And what's more touching about the call was the fact that he called all the way from Warwick you know. That was super awesome! So we had a chat. It's been a while since the members of P11 last heard of him, so we talked about a lot of things to keep up with each other. I must say that we kinda missed the presence of our own UMNO Youth Chief Leader in our chalet. Ever since he left, his place was taken by a future doctor who lives on an endless supply of cigarettes, Coca-Cola and fast food. And by fast food I mean Burger King, McDonald's and KFC. Nothing less. Don't get me wrong, we all love Isa, don't we? Just don't tell him that. Anyways, it was great to learn that Hazim is doing fine over there. And the fact he's still a virgin. Haha.

We arrived at around 8.10am. Wei Liang was the first among us to be interviewed. His session began at 9.00am. *To KYS people* Guess who did I meet at the interview just now? Salasiah weyh! Haha. It's been a loooong time since I last saw her. Apparently, she's applying to read Medicine in Cambridge. She looked just fine when we met. We had a little chat, but it was a bit awkward because we haven't talked for quite some time now. Tp bagus ar. In the meantime, while waiting for our turns, Umyra and I decided to have our breakfast at a mamak restaurant nearby. *Note to Aainaa* Roti planta die sedap gile wo! Bley challenge MMZ ni. Kalah ar ur ane:P Then, I realised that time was beginning to move very very very slowly.

The hardest part is waiting.

A good 180 minutes had slipped through unnoticed when I learnt the fact that my interview schedule had to be pushed forward a little bit earlier because the person who was supposed to have her interview before me was late. I was actually pretty composed and relaxed in the beginning. I thought I was ready. But after people start asking each other about how they fared in their interviews and expressing their disappointments over unanswerable questions, I kinda lost it a bit. I was left alone in the waiting area while the rest were having their breakfast, in desperation to have a conversation with a living soul to calm down my nerves. Nasib baik Aainaa came to the rescue at the right time. I can always rely on her for that. And before I knew it, Dr. Martin was already calling my name.

He was a nice looking man. Pretty much like Dr Horsfall, but without the belly. He gave me a warm welcome before asking me to sit on the chair. On the table laid a few pieces of paper and a pen. Damn. Please don't ask me math questions. Please don't ask me math questions. I camouflaged my concern over 'the possibility of him asking me about some equations I was not familiar with' by acting cool. Poyo. He then prepared a few pieces of paper for himself before starting the interview. It's your battleground dude. You get to call the shots! Right.

"So, why do you apply to Girton?" The first bomb was dropped.

"Well, um, first of all, it is a relatively small community compared to other colleges, so everyone is kind of closely-knitted to each other. And the atmosphere is pretty vibrant too. Another reason being the strong alumni that every Girton can be proud of. They consist of successful and influential people from all over the world. Even Princess Miyamoto of Japan had attended the college." Princess Miyamoto is not a fictional character, I swear. I did my research.

"I see. Yeah, you do know that Girton is situated a little bit farther than the rest of the colleges right? A little bit up the hill." I just agreed.

"What inspired you to take Land Economy at Cambridge?" Here comes the motherload!

"The inspiration came from my own observation as a Malaysian citizen. As a developing country, we are proud of the rapid development progress taking place in Malaysia. The emergence of big cities like Kuala Lumpur is a great sign of achievement. However, despite the rapid economic growth taking place, we are still yet to tackle the problem of the emergence of slum areas in big cities in Kuala Lumpur. I think this problem can be tackled effectively with proper understanding of the situation." Pergh. But obviously some of the sentences were a little different than the real thing.

"Okay. Can you identify at least five problems that arise resulting from overpopulation in the cities?" Gulp. Owh-kay.

Out of desperation, I managed to mention four to make it in the list. Traffic congestion, pollution, social deprivation, and high crime rates. But what's the last one? Aiseh.

He gave me a clue. "What did you and I have just about an hour ago?"

"Um...an introduction?" Irrelevant and so out of context. I felt so stupid for saying that.

"No. Think again carefully."

"Um...lunch?"

"Right. Exactly. Food. Lack of food supply, because there are too many people to be fed. Resources have to be allocated to cater their needs."

I think I survived the horror.

Then we talked about the application of taxes and subsidies in tackling the issues arising from overpopulation. I thought it was pretty much smooth sailing because some of the things that he asked had been discussed in Mr Conquest's class. And the rest of the interview went just fine.
Dr Martin even wished me luck in my AS exams before I stepped out of the room.

One of the best mathematicians in the world wished me luck in my exams!

On our way back, all of us were sharing our experiences with each other. Some were unfortunate enough to be presented with numbers and difficult equations. Some even had to interpret data from unfamiliar graphs. Teng had to listen to a brief lecture on Fibonacci sequence while Afif was pretty much affected by his interviewer's refusal to shake his hand. I don't really know what to comment on my interview. I personally thought it was great, but we could never be sure of what they really had in mind. Apaperpun, the fact that I was not being asked to solve difficult mathematical questions really saved my ass.

Come to think of it, maybe it was just sheer luck.

The Great British Invention

Mr Brookes asked an interesting question to the class this morning. Today we discussed in general the difference between the three main totalitarian regimes. As usual, Ting was leading the pact in bombarding him with questions and ideas for his consideration. The rest just listened intently and occasionally nodded in agreement. The two periods of History was beginning to feel like a drag when suddenly Mr Brookes asked this question:

"Who first invented concentration camps?" The class was silent for a moment.

Any normal student with a considerable amount of knowledge in History would most probably suggest one of the three countries. Even Ting did.

"Stalin's Russia?"

"Um...Mussolini?"

It's Hitler's Germany, right?" Someone suggested. He seemed like he was full of confidence.

Mr Brookes just grinned. And then came his reply.

"Nope. It's Great Britain. Hooray! Concentration camps are a proud invention of the British people." Believe me, the sarcasm really came out of the blue.

He later went on to explain to the anticipating class how they were first invented. During the Boer War (1880-1881), British soldiers had captured about 28000 Boer women and children and kept them in a large concentration camp and held them as hostages so that the men would obey to the rulers (the Brits). Some of the people who were held captive did not survive the poor conditions of the camp and the harsh treatment they received. Some even suffered from diseases and died.

Oh, I didn't know that.

"Another great British invention is the antrax virus. We are the ones who first introduced biological warfare!" he added. A burst of laughter soon followed his sarcasm. "Oh, we also had our share in inventing the world's first atomic bomb. So there you have it. We're quite advanced in that sense."

What a great way of looking at the world.

And of course, among other great inventions of Great Britain include Oxford and Cambridge University.

My interview will be conducted tomorrow at Help College, Damansara. Apparently, I had to leave the college at 6.30am because the 11am trip will be full of quarantined applicants. Right. But my interview starts at 1.50pm! It doesn't really make sense now, does it? Guess I'll just hang around and read some stuff while waiting for my turn.

Untitled 2

Remember Tony from the previous post? Apparently that was not the end of his story. Just about an hour later after he had finished spilling all his thoughts and feelings in the post, he received a phone call. The phone call which proved the point, pellucid and clear, that for the past 24 hours, he was just acting silly.

Michelle finally gave him a call that evening. A lively conversation took place between the two close friends. She sounded quite like herself now, much to Tony's merriment. He now understood why she was felt so dejected after the interview. He would've felt the same way too if he was in the same situation.

For the past 24 hours, Michelle was going through a phase called recovery.
For the past 24 hours, Tony was silly enough to think that everything had to revolve around him.

Patience, is my friend, is the keyword. He knew he could have started a whole new drama over something silly like that if he was not patient enough. Nevertheless, Tony still blamed the voice inside his head for its influence in his judgement. Perhaps you could just do him a favour by ignoring whatever he wrote in his previous blogpost.

He was still thinking of giving her the card.
Maybe tomorrow.

"If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought."

Untitled

Tony really wanted to talk to her that day. He wanted to apologise for being such an arse by not wishing her the best of luck in her interview. He knew it was not just an interview. It was THE interview. One of the most important dates in the calendar. He was plain ignorant, he admitted.

So Tony braced himself and dialled her number.
There was no dialtone. Her cellphone was switched off.

"Maybe she ran out of battery," he reasoned. A pathetic attempt to kill his curiosity.
His curiosity was indeed killed that afternoon - eight unanswered calls later.
So off he went to the field. Playing football in the rain.
He was still thinking of her.

An hour later, he tried again. Fingers crossed.
There was a dialtone. Yes! Finally.

"Hello? Hey Chelle, it's me. I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier before the interview. It must've slipped off my mind. So how was it? I hope it all went well with you. Well, tell me about it."

His joy of finally being able to pick up a conversation with Michelle was shortlived as it met with a weak, unenthusiastic voice at the other end of the line.

"It was horrible. I don't know," she replied. Short and unfriendly.
"Come. I know you did your best. Jenny said hers went great. What made you think it was that horrible?"

"I don't know. Whatever." This is starting to get awkward, he thought.
"Are you sick? Because you don't sound okay." Another pathetic attempt to make her talk.

"No. I'm fine." You're lying.

Obviously she was not in the mood. There was no use in faking it.

"Well, okay then. I gotta go. Sorry to bother you."
He hung up, unsettled.

That night, he received a message. It was from Michelle.

"I was stupid Tony, my only chance and I blew it. I just felt so stupid during the interview. I know there's no point regretting but it's hard when you can't say you'll learn from your stupid mistake. It feels so degrading especially when I have huge expectations that I certainly can't live up to. I know it's not the end of the world and no I won't quit my prayers. It's a matter of time and I'll be okay."

He thought she needed time and room to breathe, so he decided not to reply.
But half an hour later, he received another message form her.

"Why did I even bother to tell you all this? Whatever Tony." Huh?

Despite being caught all erratic and confused, he replied.

" I don't think I have the best words to say to you, but I'll just give it a try. My dearest friend Michelle, it was just an interview. Nothing is really going to change tomorrow, or the days that follow, even if you blew your only chance of getting to Oxford. You will still be the same Michelle that everyone knows. The possibility of you getting a place there - that's not even for you to decide. Let the interviewers do their job. If luck is on your side, you'll be accepted. And if it's not, then there are still four other universities waiting for you. You're just being hard on yourself. I will most probably suck in my interview too, but whatever. Like you said, it's not the end of the world. Remember in the beginning you used to have doubts on whether you should apply to Oxford? You didn't really make it a big deal. But now you feel like it's the only option, the ultimate goal. I may not know you that well, but I know you're a person who always strives to achieve the targets she had set for herself. You can keep blaming yourself for the rest of the night if it makes you feel better tomorrow. And no Michelle, you're not stupid. Sorry if I'm just repeating the same thing other people have been telling you, but that's what I think."

That's quite a mouthful. He wasn't even sure if his words could do the trick.
Patiently, he waited for her reply.
There wasn't any.

That night, Tony had a conversation with the voice in his head. He always does that when he has troubles or feeling restless over something which involves himself.

Tony thought the cold treatment he received was very painful. Everybody has their share of misfortunes. Other candidates who attended the interview must've felt the same way too. He thought she was just making a big deal out of it. Okay, fine. He understood the fact that with Michelle, expectations are always high. But the higher you aim, the lower you will fall if you miss the target! You should've prepared yourself when you first set the aim you know. Somehow he felt that he was very much affected by this. This is unfair. Well, theoretically, you have nothing to do with this, so don't even bother. She'll probably feel better without you pestering her so much.

Well, some fact checks:
Both of them:
-are in the same class.
-live in the same neighbourhood.
-are in the same club.
-used to have part time jobs together.
-are somewhat very close friends.
-have seen the best and the worst in each other.
There are other things that can relate both of them as well, but there are just too many to be mentioned here.

He couldn't give in just yet.
So before he went to bed, he made a card to give to Michelle the following day - just to make her feel better.
An inspiration he collected from his high school years.
It wasn't the most beautiful card he had seen. But it's the thought that counts, right?

He was early for class the following morning. He planned to take advantage of the situation. Michelle sits next to her in the class. Perhaps he should put the card under her table, hoping that it would get her by surprise. Or maybe not. Too late, everyone had entered the room.

He wasn't really listening throughout the lesson as Mr Hessleback talked about the difference between mens rea and actus reus. His mind was too occupied with questions on how he should give the card to her. Should I just put it in her bag if she's out for a five minute break? Or should I walk with her after class and hand it to her instead?

Michelle did not even bother to look at him and say a word from the moment she sat next to him. That is so unlike her. He, on the other hand, did not dare to start a conversation. Perhaps it was his ego who got the better of him. And before he knew it, the class was over. Walk with her!

She seemed like she was in a rush, hurriedly packing her stuff and making her way out through the front door. He soon followed, slowly approaching her. Now is the time. Suddenly her hand reached for her cellphone in her orange handbag and picked up a call. Either that, or she was just pretending to have a great conversation by projecting her laughter just loud enough for Tony to notice. Great. Just great. She was avoiding me. A major blow. A big let down. A very painful fact to bear.

He finally retreated. His efforts had to go to waste.
Tony lost the plot, indulging himself in the agony of defeat.
But he moved on. It's not the end of the world.
For a moment, he thought he could relinquish his grip on the problem.
Then he went back home.

And started writing this post.

I Survived the Horror!

So the verdict is out - Baik balik umah for the weekend.
My weekend at the college had been hopeless.
Nothing significant had been achieved.
Bosan gila.

But to be fair, yesterday was pretty interesting as we were finally able to ride the bicycles.
Lama gila tunggu. On weekdays, some even waited at the spot 15 minutes earlier just to get the bikes.
Siap solat Asar kat situ dulu kot. -I'm kidding.
There weren't that many people queuing that evening.
Perhaps many were discouraged to go out because it was raining.
And two busloads of people were off to Mid Valley. So less competition.
So Nabila and I went to embark on a journey to the centre of Lembah Beringin.
Wee~ Best ar, tapi sakit bontot and lenguh lutut.

Weekends at the college can be fun when you have intresting stuff to do.
Apparently, designing layouts for the yearbook and IELTS and Islamic studies presentation are not in the list.

Anyways, I read about McCain's campaign launching personal attacks on Obama through its ad called "Who is Barack Obama?" about two weeks ago. I've always wanted to write about it, but it slipped off my mind. Apparently, Barack's middle name is Hussein. And for the paranoid and the ignorant Americans, that could only mean one thing - Barack Obama is a terrorist. McCain's supporters were also reported to have practice racial slurs in gatherings and conventions. Obviously the target was Obama. Last two days, a neighbourhood in I-forgot-where in the US was shocked by the presence of "Obama" hanging upside down in front of a house a member of the community. It was actually a ragdoll with Obama's name written on it upside down. An interview with the culprit's neighbour conducted by a local TV station suggested that the man holds the belief strongly that the man in the White House should always be a "white Christian."
"I don't like Obama because I heard he's an Arab," an old woman uttered in one of McCain's rally not long ago. Right. This is just an example of how ignorant McCain's supporters are. Don't get me wrong, I reserve my respect to those voters who vote on the basis of their candidates' policies. But not to those who vote because of things they' aren't even sure of. Now even McCain finds it hard to contain his supporters from having outrageous portrayals of his competition.

The bottom line is, McCain-Palin's campaign efforts during this last stage before the Election Day can be described as desperate, extreme, reckless, and irremediable. With the way the game is heading, on Nov 4 we shall witness an "Arab" being elected as the new President of the United States.

Hidup Ibarat Roda. Cuma Kini Saya Berada Di Bawah.

Hari minggu di kolej memang memenatkan.
Banyak masa untuk diisi. Namun cuma sedikit yang mampu dicapai.
Masih banyak yang ingin dibaca. Cuma secalit yang melekat di minda.
Saya dapat rasakan bahawa hari ini bukan hari saya.
Ada saja yang tak kena.

Perhaps I should've just gone back home.
Haih.

Saya seorang minimalis yang sentiasa ingin lari daripada klise.
Mengikut trend ialah klise. Melawan stereotaip pula bukan.
Kadang-kala lebih unik jika kita berbeza daripada orang lain.
Namun pada kelazimannya kita hanya kelihatan lebih poyo.

Saya harap saya jatuh dalam kategori yang pertama.

Acapkali saya ingin beranggapan bahawa saya seorang yang berbeza.
Bila bertemu seseorang dan menjadi kawan, saya harap saya bukan sekadar 'just another face'.
At least, that's not how I want to be remembered.
Tetapi, saya mula menyedari hakikat bahawa kita lebih mirip daripada yang saya sangka.

Klise dalam persahabatan

Saya ada seorang kenalan ketika di KYS dahulu yang terkenal dengan sikapnya yang sentiasa menongkah arus.
Segala perlakuannya berbeza dengan majoriti. Tutur katanya tidak seperti biasa.
Pada saya, dia seorang yang sangat genuine.
Namun biasalah, kita lebih celik untuk melihat keburukan daripada kebaikan. Klise bukan?
Maka, keunikannya dihubungkaitkan dengan perkataan 'pelik'.
Kemudian, 'pelik' bertukar 'jelik'.

Kebanyakan rakan-rakan saya berasa tidak selesa dengannya. Saya tidak terkecuali.
Kami rasa gayanya hanya menyebabkan dia tersisih.
Ada sebab mengapa kami beranggapan sebegitu.
Dia gemar melakukan perkara yang boleh dilakukan dengan mudah - melalui cara yang sukar.
Pendiriannya pula tidak selalunya relevan dengan situasi.
Sebagai misal, ketika kami bertungkus-lumus dan bersengkang mata menyiapkan kerja kursus Kemahiran Hidup PMR,
dia leka dalam dunianya. Dunianya ialah Magic the Gathering.
Maka bila deadline datang menjengah, kami juga yang bertungkus-lumus dan bersengkang mata membantu menyiapkan kerja kursusnya.
Usah tanya mengapa, pokoknya pendiriannya ketika itu menyusahkan kami semua.

Tetapi dia tetap dengan pendiriannya.

Klise nombor dua - The deserted makes a good target

Rakan saya yang seorang ini sering menjadi bahan untuk jenaka kami semua.
Biasalah, bila yang majoriti berasa sedikit berkuasa.
Agak pelik juga bila memikirkan seseorang yang bersusuk tubuh sasa, bila dijadikan bahan jenaka, tidak pula melawan.
A gentle ogre. Tetapi dia bukan seorang ogre. Jadi kami acah lagi.
Mustahil dia tidak pernah melawan.
Bila diacah, dia menzahirkan amarahnya pada objek-objek di sekitarnya. Tidak pada kami.
Namun reaksinya hanya menjadi jenaka yang lebih lucu buat kami.

Klise nombor tiga - Persepsi dan anggapan

Saya terpanggil untuk mengutarakan subtopik ini kerana 'pesanan' yang saya terima daripada seseorang semalam. Satu perkara yang saya sedar sepanjang saya bergelar pelajar KYS dan seterusnya KYUEM ialah betapa terdedahnya kita kepada persepsi orang ramai, bergantung pada perilaku kita. Setiap pasang mata yang melihat adalah juri yang menilai. Pada saya, walau sekeras manapun kalian menidakkannya - jauh di lubuk hati setiap di antara kita, saya percaya kita adalah makhluk yang judgemental, meskipun hanya sekelumit. Klise berlaku apabila kita menilai tanpa usul periksa. "Mereka berdua rapat lain macam saja. Mesti ada apa-apa."Lebih parah jika penilaiannya yang mungkin sarat dengan ralat tersebut dijaja kepada mereka yang ingin mendengar. Mungkin gosip ialah terma yang lebih sesuai digunakan di sini.

Hakikatnya, jika kehidupan di kolej ini ibarat sebuah teater muzikal, boleh jadi saya memegang watak seorang yang klise dan boleh diduga. Tapi tak bestlah macam tu.

Rawak

So Mathematics Paper 1 ended last Wednesday. My first AS paper of the year.
While others expressed their concern on how difficult the questions were,
I was more concerned with myself not feeling the same way that most of them did.
They were not easy, but they were not ridiculously difficult to answer either.
I don't want to be overconfident.
For all I know, I could be the one who ended up making
silly mistakes that could cost my marks dearly.
Mintak dijauhkan.

I've been spending quite some time at the RC lately.
A desperate attempt to get myself to really really understand the gravity of the situation.
Dah AS kot. Isy2. - I've been telling that to myself over and over again.
Lambat sket nak commit to memory.
At least, at the RC, I'm free from the distractions in my room.
And thanks Fatin for the encouragement. Smangat ajak.

I will be having my Cambridge interview next week on Thursday.
Wish me luck:)

The offer from Manchester came quite as a shock for me.
Didn't expect it come this early.
Apaperpun, I'm thankful and glad that I received the offer:)
So one down, four more to go. Yeeha.

You may not be reading this Ya, but I seriously thought yesterday was fun:D

Lembah Beringin has a dark secret.

The road to nowhere is filled with cow dungs.
Like, tons of 'em.
But cows were nowhere in our sight.
Just bushes and an empty road. So where did they go?

There is a mystery waiting to be unraveled.
Just thinking of the possibilities scares the hell out of me.

Actually the seven of us went for a walk around Lembah Beringin tadi.
Initially, the plan was to embark on a journey to the house on the haunted hill. Tapi x jd.
Haih.

Mohamad masih tersipu-sipu bila bertembung dengan saya.
Mungkin peristiwa di kafe masih segar dalam kotak ingatannya.
"Nama saya Mohamad. Nama awak siapa?"

I'm still keeping the beat with my blistered feet.
Bile la nk okay ni.
Sigh.

Yankee Bayonet Is A Great Song

So I went back home on Saturday night, hurriedly slipping out the crowd as the Raya celebration was on the verge of conclusion. I wish I could have spent more time for pictures and conversations. Tapi takpe la.

I'm at the RC now, patiently waiting for my speaking test session with Ms Susan. I plan to do some reading here, you know, just to make myself feel better for the interview at 10.30. Well, apparently, I'm still here. Eyes still glued to the screen.

I woke up early this morning with the plan I had laid out last night before I went to bed. Well, the plan basically includes:

- Me going to sleep early so that I won't have difficulties waking up in the morning.

- Waking up early, just get a fresh start on something*

- Well, that something* is an option of Math/History/Econs.

- And not going back to sleep after Subuh.

Basically, the plan had to be scraped off in favour of the internet. It was quite okay at first, but after a while it got hopeless. So off to bed I went. And abandoned the plan.

PMR starts today. I sent Sharifah a message, wishing her all the best for the examination. She'll do just fine. The whole of her batch too, I hope. Just like the previous batches:P

I still have some works pending. Yes, they are still far from completion. Can't say I don't have the time. Ye la, you can even make space for this entry kot! -Touche. Apaper la. I still blame the voices in my head for their influence in my judgement.

Thursday

Prepared speech is over. Yay.
IELTS speaking test, however, is not.
The same goes to the Cambridge mock interview.
Both of them will take place this Monday, back to back.
Starting with the test. This time I'm doing it with Ms Susan. Hm.

These things on Monday leave me to question the relevance of going back this weekend.
If I choose to go back, that means I'll be missing the Raya celebration on Saturday night.
But at least I won't be missing the the fun the following weekend.
But if I don't go back, everything is vice versa.

And I haven't prepared much for the mock interview, besides the optimism I hold dear that it will be smooth sailing, that is.
I don't wanna look dumb. Then don't act like one! -Right.

Interhouse dance competition was over last night.
Wasn't the best of performances, but for making use of the limited time to prepare a 'proper' performance for the audience, I would say it's a great attempt nonetheless.
Congratulations Garnet.

Sejenak Berbahasa Melayu

Hari ini 7 Oktober 2008. Sudah 7 hari Syawal menjelang (atau 7 hari Ramadhan meninggalkan kita, bergantung kepada bagaimana anda melihatnya). Teringat kata-kata seorang ustaz di surau tempat saya menunaikan solat terawih tidak lama dahulu. "Jika kita ingin menilai amalan kita ketika bulan Ramadhan, lihat diri kita selepas berlalunya Ramadhan. Jika amaun amalannya sama dan mendatar sahaja jika diplotkan pada kertas graf, maka Ramadhan tidak memberikan kesan kepada kita." Saya lihat diri saya sendiri. Sebelum dan selepas Ramadhan. Saya tersipu sendiri. 'Mungkin tahun depan,' saya menaruh harapan. Masuk hari ini sudah 2 hari kolej bermula. Tiada apa yang begitu luar biasa berkenaan semalam, melainkan sepasang kasut yang saya pakai ke kelas. Ya, kasut tersebut menarik perhatian yang agak luar biasa. Jenuh saya memberi penjelasan kepada mereka yang bertanya.

Suatu perkara yang saya belajar tentang diri saya kebelakangan ini ialah kecenderungan saya untuk rasa mengantuk di kelas. Saya yakin saya bukan seorang penidur tegar, tetapi inilah realitinya. Ketika Mr Conquest sedang menerangkan tentang implikasi polisi fiskal terhadap ekonomi, saya hanyut dalam dilema saya. Dilema apa? Saya juga kurang pasti. Di dalam kelas Mr Brookes juga begitu. Mungkin kelas bermula waktu tengahari selepas makan. Saya bukan jenis pelajar yang gemar bersengkang mata untuk menelaah pelajaran hingga lewat malam kerana saya percaya situasi seperti ini hanya membawa kepada 'diminishing return' semata-mata. Oleh sebab itu saya sedikit hairan dengan keadaan diri saya yang mengantuk di dalam kelas ini, meskipun waktu tidur saya agak terkawal. Kadang-kala, saya berharap mata saya sekuat Fatin dan Aainaa agar lebih banyak yang boleh ditelaah setiap malam. Mungkin agaknya saya memang seorang penidur.

Saya tidak mempunyai kelas selepas makan tengahari hari ini. Kesempatan yang ada saya gunakan untuk membaca blog rakan-rakan. Saya terpanggil untuk berkongsi perkara yang hampir serupa dengan apa yang dialami oleh saudari Syafiqah Misteri seperti yang direncanakan dalam blognya. (P/S: Saya amat tertarik dengan gaya penulisannya yang selamba dan straightforward, mirip dirinya dalam dunia sebenar).Jujur saya katakan bahawa saya juga mengalami sindrom pasca-Raya yang sama, meskipun tidak seradikalnya. Menyedari hakikat ini, petang semalam saya berjoging mengelilingi kampus dengan harapan segala lemak tepu di saluran intestin saya pergi meninggalkan saya. Peter Bjorn dan John mendendangkan irama indie rock Sweden mereka di telinga saya. Saya sedikit hairan melihat kemerosotan populasi KYUEM petang itu. Mungkin saya terlalu awal. Sebelum itu, saya lakukan sedikit senaman ringkas selama 20 minit di dalam chalet sambil diperhatikan oleh Tiger yang sedang khusyuk menonton Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay. Sebuah filem ringan untuk mereka yang bosan. Saya sedar tanpa usaha yang istiqamah, target tidak mungkin dapat dicapai.

Saya sayang tubuh saya.

Saya dalam dilema.
Patutkah saya menawarkan diri untuk menyertai editorial board yearbook batch 10 & 10.5?
Saya sedar tanggungjawabnya besar.
Tugasnya bukan sedikit.
Saya cuma khuatir akan komitmen saya terhadap pelbagai perkara lain.
Namun saya punya banyak idea yang ingin saya sumbangkan.

Wajarkah saya pulang ke rumah minggu ini?
Saya punya alasan kukuh untuk pulang.
Juga tinggal di kolej.

Mungkin cost-benefit analysis dapat membantu dalam penilaian saya.

Welcome back to college, people.
Guess what?
The pair of shoes that I left in the common room was gone!
What a pleasant surprise.
What a great way to start my day.
Haih.

Random Thoughts on a Saturday Afternoon

When you've spent hours browsing through your friends' albums on Facebook, you know there's something wrong with you.

Siapa kata orang Malaysia tidak gemar membaca?
Cuba lihat di bahagian majalah-majalah di MPH - kebanyakan mereka di situ!
Membelek naskhah-naskhah di antara rak-rak, kemudian meletakkannya kembali sesudah membaca.
Mudah lagi percuma. Bernas bukan?

Sometimes when I come across simple questions like "What is your favourite food?", "What is your life motto/principle of life?" or "Pengalaman yang tidak dapat anda lupakan", I get tounge-tied. I really don't know what to answer. Can a simple "ntah" be accepted? Sigh.
Maybe I should prepare a set of answers, you know, for future references.

Are you obsessed with death?
I don't know if it's an obsession, but lately I've been imagining myself meeting the Grim Reaper whenever I do things, like crossing the road, holding a pen, or even reading a book. Scary, I know. No, it's a suicidal kind of thing, but more of accidental type.